Over the past couple months I’ve volunteered as a healthy control group participant for various studies at nearby hospitals, out of boredom and mostly for the money since I was out of a job at the time. And right now, for some reason, I’ve decided to share my favorite moments from my brief stint as a human lab rat:
- taking detailed measurements on my areolas. I always knew my left boob was slightly bigger, but now I know exactly by how much! Also I’m apparently wearing the wrong bra size. Thank you science!
- my own private Skrillex concert. Next time you take an MRI, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Wheeze whirr whirrr bang bang skreeeeeeeeee BANGARANG
- peeing into a hat. No, seriously. The container looked like a hat, a point driven further by the nurse who came into my room to drop it off wearing it on her head.
- hospital food is awesome. Especially because it was free.
- scrubs are the comfiest things ever, and absolutely do not make me look fat.
- taking public transit after a blood draw is a bad idea. Everyone kept staring at my arm and the awesome bandage and I tried really hard to communicate with everyone telepathically that no, I’m not a junkie.
That’s about it so far. I have to go to a hospital overnight again in about a month, so maybe I’ll have something to add to the list.